I'm Sorry

I am alone tonight.

The wife and son are tucked away and dreaming.

Soaking in a sobering light.

My heart is drunk but still my heart is sinking.

And I'm sorry.

Yeh I'm sorry.

My baby cries in the dark of the night.

Daddy come home and teach me how to tie my shoes.

Hold my hand and squeeze me tight.

Don't let go because I might just start forgetting you.

And I'm sorry.

Yes I'm sorry son.

I'm sorry for breaking your smile.

With angry words that can scare a child.

So sorry for letting you down.

By being weak and leaving town.

And I'm sorry.

Yes I am sorry son.

I am so beyond myself.

The love is real yet you and me are drifting.

Baby boy I'll be coming around.

On the days and nights when Daddy's not drinking.

And I'm sorry.

Yes I am sorry son.

I'm sorry you heard your Daddy last night.

Breaking down and losing his mind.

I'm sorry I think I'm doing fine.

I miss your laugh and loving smile.

And I'm sorry

Yes I am sorry son.

I can only leave you these words.

That I love you son and all my hopes are with you.

Maybe I will win at the end of the line.

Until that time please know I'm thinking of you.

And I'm sorry.

Yes I am sorry son.

I'm sorry!

Media Child

Media child.

Sitting on the floor.

Watching cartoon raindrops.

Falling from unknown.

The door..... what's behind that door.

The door..... what's behind the door.

Babies breath and children need.

More!

Children cry and simply survive.

Media!

Pacified child.

Locked inside inside your eyes.

Caught up in a blue steel glow.

That most of us can't find.

We hide..... living in nursery rhymes.

Yes we hide..... it's easier than time.

The mystery of mind.

I see it all the time.

Lost without no judgement day.

It simply clouds the mind.

The mind..... plays tricks that lead to losing.

The mind..... will drift to an odd and cold perusing.

Babies breath and children need.

More!

Children cry and simply survive.

Media!

Everything!

I've held a life in my hands.

Was just growing to understand.

Everything about her.

Now I touch scenes of yesterday.

With clear vision that's swept away.

There's nothing like losing EVERYTHING!

Now everything is blowing my mind

And everything is like doing time.

Everything is out of control.

Oh God everything is moving so slow.

Everything!

Touched a life so new and small.

Wanted the time to discover it all.

Just everything about her.

Now it rains and there is no sun.

It just got started but so quickly done.

There's nothing like losing EVERYTHING!

Now everything is blowing my mind

And everything is like doing time.

Everything is out of control.

Oh God everything is moving so slow.

Everything!

Tried to fake a yearning smile.

Then cried through the eyes of newborn child.

I felt everything about it.

Now I walk stripped to the bone.

Lost my love and lost my soul.

There's nothing like losing EVERYTHING.

Now everything is blowing my mind

And everything is like doing time.

Everything is out of control.

Oh God everything is moving so slow.

Everything!

EVERYTHING!!

Bunker Hill

I'm going to lay my life down - this starry night I'll die.

Bleeding in the mud and blood - my dreams not realized.

I'll die tonight a rebel.

And slip into sublime.

I took a red coat bullet.

On Bunker Hill tonight.

I'll die

On Bunker Hill tonight.

For days we held the high ground - as cannons scarred the sky.

The haze was thick with screaming as my rebel brothers died.

I came here to fight for Boston.

And change the hands of time.

But now I lay here dying.

On Bunker Hill tonight.

I'll die

On Bunker Hill tonight.

The harbor was dense with warships - the water was red with death.

Through smoke and fire and flashes a lead ball crushed my chest.

I wanted to storm for freedom.

And tangle for something right.

I'm praying for reinforcements.

On Bunker Hill tonight.

I'll die

On Bunker Hill tonight.

We held the ground as long as we could - but we got barraged and tired.

Bravery our blinding force filled our hearts with desire.

The British troops are raging hell.

Marching in waves and lines.

Their soldiers fall but don't withdraw.

On Bunker Hill tonight.

I'll die

On Bunker Hill tonight.

I feel the sunshine laying me down - taking me from this fight.

I fought through fifteen hundred men and felt I was divine.

I'll cry farewell from the top of the hill.

And reach for the streaking light.

I'll die for the birth of liberty.

On Bunker Hill tonight.

I'll die.

On Bunker Hill tonight!

John Brown

A wind from the timber hills blew through your soul and your bones.

A fire from the burning South was scorching the black mans hope.

Gather your family and terrorize slavery.

Hunt the enemy down.

In the name of liberty you stormed through Virginia and found.

Thunder of war all around.

And there's blood on your bible John Brown.

Yes there is blood on your bible John Brown.

You raided the armory to seize the guns of evil.

You shot down a free man in hopes of gaining control.

Richmond militiamen rode through the night.

Aiming to shoot you down.

In the hopes of freedom you stood your ground and found.

A morning of death all around.

And they are howling for blood John Brown.

Yes they're howling for blood John Brown.

Madman or martyr - killer or hero

Robert E Lee tracked you down.

Are you glory bound and found?

Or are you burning in hell John Brown?

This is your holy war - never mind right or wrong.

In the Kansas winter mist a bloody encounter in town.

Witness the tragedy - brutal and endlessly.

Destiny's got you now.

On your mission of urgency you opened your eyes and found.

A murderous underground.

And your freedom is bleeding John Brown.

Yes your freedom is bleeding John Brown.

Hangman or soldier - vengeance or destiny.

A Civil War noose is yours now.

Are you high on your horse and crowned?

Or are you burning in hell John Brown?

Found guilty of murder your mesmerized by the sound.

From the rope in the wind of the gallows awaiting you now.

Fearing your destiny out on the hanging tree.

Fate is staring you down.

At the end of the journey your bones will decay in the ground.

Leaving your soul all unwound.

And there's blood on your bible John Brown.

Yes there is blood on your bible John Brown.

Madman or martyr - killer or hero

Robert E Lee tracked you down.

Are you glory bound and found?

Or are you burning in hell John Brown?

Are you burning in hell John Brown?

Wishing Wells

I once heard a singing bird.

Way beyond the bustling city chaos.

And I once knew a girl so blue.

Her eyes were wide but all her thoughts were so distraught.

And I recall.

As if her life was show and tell.

That morning light.

No more sharing fairy tells and wishing wells.

Oh that morning light.

There was no more sharing fairy tells and wishing wells.

And so I thought the better way was to fight it off.

Laying in bed and feeling sorry for myself.

But all my mind was caught up in the way she died.

Slipping away without even no goodbye.

And I recall.

As if her life was show and tell.

That morning light.

No more sharing fairy tells and wishing wells.

Oh that morning light.

There was no more sharing fairy tells and wishing wells.

Heavens frigid avenue took an exit straight to you.

Little one..... you were just a child.

Jolten Joe Dimaggo

"Jolten" Joe Dimaggio was a nations hero.

Yet alone he lay whispering while dying.

Marilyn Monroe left this world to soon for Joe.

And that's the reason for forty years of crying.

Baseball cards and bubble gum.

Are worthless when your heart is done.

And don't it seem so sad to see our Jolten Joe.....

Dimaggio.

Crying!

Hotel rooms and traveling around-waiting for the next train in town.

Maybe she'll show and take him away from counting days.

The pinstripe suit was laying down and Joe would dream her dancing around.

But to dance alone with memories just breaks your heart.

Baseball cards and bubble gum.

Are worthless when your heart is done.

And don't it seem so sad to see our Jolten Joe.....

Dimaggio.

Crying!

Legend tells the story well even without the kiss and tell.

Yet still is heart was always Hollywood wandering.

Adulation from a crowd and circle the diamond you know so well.

Because we remember all the times you made us cheer.

Baseball cards and bubble gum.

Are worthless when your heart is done.

And don't it seem so sad to see our Jolten Joe.....

Dimaggio.

Crying!

Staring Down Martyrdom

Just like day old babies seem so right.

Fairy tales and wishing wells inspire.

And just when the children smile heaven and hell collide.

That's where I'm wrapped around ghosts in the lost and found.

I feel the eyes looking down!

I sense the fear coming around!

Just like tired blue eyes and fire ignite.

Wedding vows and ringing bells are nice.

But just when the flowers bloom that's when love is doomed.

There I'll find martyrdom staring me down from above.

I feel the eyes looking down!

I sense the fear coming around!

Just like love is life's greatest surprise.

An angels wings can suddenly fail to fly.

And just when you got everything figured out.

Here comes a whirlwind that blows away everything.

I feel the eyes looking down!

I sense the fear coming around!

Hank

HANK!

Hank Williams Sr. Never new much about the man other than he was an original and a country music legend. April 26th, 2010. Something came to me? A dream or a meditative like experience... vision. Foggy yet somehow lucid at times. Seemed at first scary.

I sprang up from my sleepy state dripping with sweat and dizzy. Then it came to me and immediately put pen to paper before the moment escaped my recall. It was January 1st, 1953 and I was there..... in a limousine with HANK!

I never said a word as I was simply a spirit of sorts. Their to witness a man in a tortured and addicted ending. A young man, much younger than me. The limousine was parked and it was very dark. I don't think he knew I was even there? He was torn and speaking to God. The shadows that danced across his face were chilling yet hypnotizing. Hank did not really move at all except to down a shot from a whiskey bottle. I quickly sensed his genuine anguish and battle with addictions. Sensing his repentance with God knowing death was imminent.

Here's my dilemma,.... why me? Why was I thrust upon this surreal and spiritual moment in time to watch an icon die? Listen to hear him bear his soul moments before passing on. He was in an obvious drunken oblivion yet spoke words so eloquent and beautiful it shivered my soul. I still desire to understand what happened, why I was present in this moment?

Here is what I recall as (like I noted) I wrote it down the instant I arose from this happening.

HANK WILLIAMS SR.

"Lord must I go on benevolence? Must I look still to turn away from me? Each day brings a fresh load of terror. Fresh misery to my heart. Must I be the sport of my enemies? Look upon me... oh Lord. Listen to me. Cure the light of these eyes before they close in fear. Do not let my enemies claim the mastery and my persecutors triumph over my fall. I cast myself on thy mercy.....(mumbling moment of soft singing), I saw the light Lord yeh I saw the light."

It brought pain to my own heart as tears began to swell and an odd silence set in. Minutes passed when Hank returned to repentance.

"I'm trying... give pity... that's all. I just can't. You meet many men along lives busy streets with shoulders stooped, head down and low eyes that stare in defeat. There souls committed to pain where sorts of designs fall apart. Living in death, all in flesh. Men with broken hearts."

"Life can sometimes be so cruel that a heart can be broken. Oh Lord... why must these living dead know pain with every breath. Living dead is no way way with every breath. Some lose faith and love and wives. One sword shoots the dart. But with so called calm they have all come home. These men with broken hearts. I've never walked in that mans shoes while seeing through his eyes. I stood and watched with helpless hands while the whole heart inside me dies. So look closer to someone near you as some are masters at large."

"But in our shame... we are all the same... these men with broken hearts. I need to sleep on bended knees. As all these men that were cursed since birth have had no dreams or happiness in heaven or here on earth. How can man have faith in God when faith in ourselves departs? All of those who weep know death comes cheap..... for men with broken hearts. Well, that's all. I don't know what else to say except goodnight and God Bless"

"Say a prayer for me. Happy new year everybody.

Bells ring in the distant background, bringing in the new year of 1953, I am lost and floating now as the man.... Hank Williams weakly rolls his head and for the fist time realizes that I am there and makes a brief eye contact with me and speaks one word with his last living breath.

"Live"

As in Live your life........ I mused!

Butterfly

I watched a butterfly floating and fluttering without weight or heaviness. Mesmerized for a moment I suddenly understood. It's God! This is perfection. Not us, not mankind. We are the destructors of his divine creation. We_____ Us_____ are the true experimental test I mused? All other creation on this earth is not only simple and instinctive but perfect in every way. I believe in you God, it's right here in front of me..... your butterfly. Yet what gives men the right to impose a dictatorship on your creations? Your wishes? God...... do you bless me? Do you guide me?

You have watched millions upon millions of men, women and children not only suffer but experience torment, torture and death without justification.

MILLIONS AND MILLIONS!

SINCE FOREVER!

GOD?

Where are you when babies die, watching butterflies fly? So many stooped souls are crying out for relief and an end to constant heartache and pain. Where are you? In heaven, I know... comfortably observing your experiment of mankind destroying themselves in their pursuit of crusades and religion. In the name of God! It sickens me. Step up.....almighty God and save the suffering souls who do not need to saunter cluelessly into a stormy, bloody and horrible existence. SENSELESS!

Oh my butterfly glides without consciousness, pain or reality while we..... the appointed rulers of the maximum all fight a never-ending engagement with bloody horrible despair and death. It makes no sense???

The butterfly floats without compunction as we...... your rulers of earth and creed do not float at all. We ponder our battle of belief versus disbelief. Time to step up God! Send your beloved son to redeem our suffering! Is it not time? I was raised to rely on faith and have even recently started to attend church. God Bless! Amen! They all proclaim while the world around them is exterminating themselves.

The butterfly!

I want to be that butterfly. No nothing, no hope and hopelessness. No pain in the heart and no understanding that this world is EVIL! Let me be that butterfly Lord, my soul yearns. Why? I desire a diversion from what I know to be real. So many eyes closed and sunken in a daily torment of the soul. Why? Send him NOW!

I have been so close to death through obsession and passion, addiction and construction. My soul filled with anguish. Is it simply destiny all us millions that walk this earth in pain. Heaven talk to me now. I need to make sense of it all!

You have taken 2 of my babies and left me to wander..... well..... about everything. I still can't comprehend. My sweet Poppie, I curse you. I recoil from wanting to maintain any form of faith. She was perfection! My BUTTERFLY!!

Why not just end me now? God Bless! Amen! Hallelujah!

"Feels Like A Million Years"

"KEY OF G, CAPO 2ND FRET

Who hold me when I want to cry.

Who holds me when I feel like dying.

And who takes time to hold my hand.

And just once in awhile will take me flying.

I....... know now...... Life...... is so........... Real!

Yeh I know.......Life...... is so ............... Real! (God).

When I'm down and a souless drunk.

And when I know I'm breathing with Demons.

And I feel my heart is giving in.

And the everyday just feels like emptiness.

I...... know now...... Life..... is so............ Real!

Yeh I know now........ Life...... is so........... Real! (God)

Like a butterfly that just happens by.

And a Jumbo Jet fights out of a tailspin.

I've seen things that would break you down.

I'v been so lost it feels like a million years

Now I ........... have found............. Life.........is so............ Real! (God)

Yeh I have found................Living........... is so ............ Real (God)

He holds me when I cry.

And he holds when I feel like flying away.

And he holds me when I try to fly away.

And he warms me when I'm down.

Better yet I see the light.

And there's room .. still some vacancies.

And he.....holds me.....

He holds .... me.

He..... holds me.

He..... holds me.

He..... holds me.

He..... holds me.

He... holds me... mmmmmm.... yeh....

He holds me.............He holds me.

......................................................

Like a Baby!

He holds me.

Yes God hold me!

(So much better in "my" key of G when I strum it on the love of my life.. My Acoustic!)